I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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