as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
