That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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