So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
