ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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