i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
