He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
