I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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