i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
