Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
