I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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