Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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