She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
