Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
