do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
