moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
