So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
