i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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