After last night, I could never be a politician.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I looked at my own cervix.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
