you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
