I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My dick has a subreddit
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
