I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
