I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
