Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
