Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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