Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She bit a glass in half.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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