the condom got lost in my hair
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
