I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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