Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
