he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
