R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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