Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
