On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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