I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
