Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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