I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
