omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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