Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
