You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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