GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
