i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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