after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
