I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
