I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
