actually, I'm a sock model
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
