I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
