This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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