i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We talked him into tasing himself.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
