She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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