Ambien. No doubt about it.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
