i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
