i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
