so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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