I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
